Forgiveness requires that we delve deeply into our own minds instead of trying to change somebody else's mind. I have been reflecting a great deal on forgiveness this past while because as I have healed and integrated many apects of my psyche I find forgiveness has become much easier and more natural. Whereas in the past I have struggled a great deal to forgive those who I believed had "wronged me".
Consider the following quote by psychologist Chuck Spezzano:
"Everyone we have grievances with, reflects self-concepts within ourselves that we are attacking. They are parts of our own mind - what we think of ourselves in a subconscious or even unconscious part of our mind."
If we were to look into the deepest recesses of our mind we would find where we are actually doing what we are blaming the other person for. This is how the psyche projects and creates havoc in our outer world. We project onto others what we feel guily for in the deepest, most hidden parts of our own mind.
Finding and reconciling with the hidden parts of our psyche is the work of psychological and spiritual growth. There is a level of consciousness that we can reach that is problem free. I often have moments in my day, usually when I am walking in the woods where I suddenly say to myself in a burst of clarity, "I have no problems!" This is not to say that I don't have issues that need to be dealt with but I no longer treasure and create my problems so that I can preoocupy myself away from what I need to offer to life. Consider that we create problems so we can withdraw and so we do not have to make the effort to give the strength of our gifts to life.
When we don't forgive the people that we have grievances with we get to use another person's behavior to distance and separate and not make an effort to give to the situation. We get to remain a victim. As psychologist Chuck Spezzano describes it - being a victim and not forgiving allows us to do what we want to do, or not do something we do not want to do, instead of offering the strength of our gifts that are needed in each situation.
For the past year I have been writing an ambitious and devoted non-denominational tome called A Course in Miracles for Creative Women which is a simple version of the daily lessons for the creative mind.
The following is my simple and creative interpretation of one of the ACIM lessons for creative women.
"Forgiveness is my function as the light of the world."
If your mind wanders, repeat the idea and add: "I would remember this because I want to be happy."